The virtually universal understanding of this time of year is that it
is a time for families. That may be true if you have one. But if you
don't, our understanding of family expands during this time of year,
and that's what we want to talk about today.
Our families comprise unusual people. We all have the Aunt Gertudes,
the uncle Jeds, the people who, when we get together with them,
manage to be annoying or disruptive. All we can do is offer a
smile and a listening ear. But sometimes it's harder than that.
During this time of year, families realize that they have experienced
irregular circumstances or broken promises or tender grief. It is at
this time when the past year's events crystallize into an emotional
response. We have such high expectations for Christmas time, and we
have such high hopes. But life has not turned out the way we planned
it, and we experience the Christian life as the management of Plan B,
or Plan C or Plan M or Plan Z. Where are you today?
Joseph's story has something for us, for those of us who are managing
families circumstances we never expected or dreamed for. In today's
passage from the gospel of Matthew, we have a different focal point
of the Christmas story, and the focal point is Joseph. Joseph's story
suggests to us that what we expect, perhaps what the world expects,
and what God causes to happen are often very different things.
Here's how it was supposed to happen for Joseph. He was engaged to be
married. He made an arrangement with Mary's father for her hand. They
were betrothed. Betrothal was a binding contract between a groom and
the bride's father. Breaking off the engagement required a legal
divorce. So Joseph and Mary were officially committed at this point.
They were not living together. They were expected to remain chaste,
celibate, during this betrothal period, and upon the marriage, they
would establish a household together.
Every man and woman, every father of girls, every mother of boys,
hoped this ideal situation would unfold for their children.
This is what was supposed to happen.
But Joseph had to cope with what did happen. Somehow or other, Mary,
quote, "was found to be with child" while they were still
engaged. Now that's a nice way of saying he discovered she was
pregnant and was pretty upset because the explanation Mary gave was unbelievable.
Can't you imagine the conversation? Put yourself in Joseph's shoes
here for just a minute. "You mean to tell me you've been talking
to an angel? Come on, Mary. How gullible do you think I am? And the
angel told you that an embryo would just suddenly show up in your
womb without the intimate act that normally results in pregnancy? Do
you really expect me to believe that is how you came to be in a
family way? Don't play games with me. I've never seen an angel, and
I'm not so sure I believe what one apparently told you. There is no
way the father of that baby growing inside of you is God. How
could you conceive such a story? It's painful enough to accept the
fact that you're pregnant with someone else's baby. Don't try to hide
the truth from me."
Now that's maybe what you and I might have said. Because up until his
own angelic visitation, Joseph was confused about what was going on.
He was perhaps insecure. He certainly felt betrayed. What is going on
here? This is not the way it's supposed to happen.
W. H. Auden put it into words, a whisper into Joseph's ear,
"Joseph, have you heard what Mary said occurred?
Yes, it may be so. Is it likely? No.
Mary may be pure, but Joseph, are you sure?
How is one to tell? Suppose, for instance, well,
Maybe, maybe not. But Joseph,
You know what your world will say about you anyway."
Joseph is now engaged to a woman who is pregnant, and he doesn't know
how it happened. Joseph has some options before him, and in this very
brief account, we can hear the wheels turning as he decides what to
do.
1. He could publicly expose her as an adulterer. A child here
fathered by another man. He could do that. That would be within the
realm of possibility. In that case, she would be stoned. She would be
executed as an adulteress.
But the Scripture says He was a righteous man, and he had tenderness
in his heart. He had too much love for her to expose her.
2. So the other option would be to divorce her quietly and to
get on with his own life. He could save his own reputation this way,
rather than be forever associated with someone whose morals were
questionable. He could, by this method, also protect her a little bit.
But I'm not sure how quietly he could have divorced her. The problem
is - now that it's an officially registered engagement - a divorce
includes notifying her father as well as a synagogue official. That
automatically, to Joseph, becomes not a quiet but a disruptive divorce.
So far those are his only options, and the quiet divorce is the one
that's up at the forefront until God stepped in and showed him a
better way.
The angel's message was, "Go ahead, marry her, you dummy! God is
going to do something amazing, and as a result of what God does, if
you cooperate, the results will save God's people from their sin.
So all of a sudden, the unthinkable is apparently what God wants
Joseph to do. God wants him to accept responsibility for Mary and the
child; to marry her immediately; to take his lumps; to cover over her
"indiscretion"; to show love to her in a sacrificial way,
sacrificing his own reputation, his own Plan A for God's terrific
plan for salvation. And that is, in fact, what Joseph did. So let's
hear it for Joseph. He did the right thing.
God decides to take us places where society may not understand or
doesn't care to follow. And it may very well be this morning that God
has called you in your family to do something, to offer love and
acceptance to someone society wouldn't understand.
Joseph married Mary, and took her with him to Bethlehem. The census
would not ordinarily have required both of them to come for that
event. But I think Joseph was afraid to leave Mary alone in Nazareth,
potentially subject to the ridicule, to the abuse of neighbors who
questioned the genesis of her pregnancy. No, he couldn't allow that.
He married her, took her with him to Bethlehem for the census, and to
start obeying within the plan that God would unfold before them. To
do that, he had to swallow a lot. Joseph made some sacrifices for Mary.
I'm just wondering: What sort of family commitment is God asking you
to make today that would fall into the unthinkable, God-sized
category? Let's see if we can navigate through the challenge God is
putting before us as families this Christmas.
In those second two verses of this passage, verses 20 and 21, we
realize that Joseph had to overcome some obstacles in order to do the
right thing. He had to overcome the obstacles of fear.
"What is going to happen to my reputation? What's going to
happen to my business? How will I stand in the community? Will I be
socially isolated? Those were real fears. He had to stare those down.
There's an obstacle probably of selfishness. "Gee whiz, you
know. I didn't sign up for this. This isn't what I expect out of
life. I really want to grasp the gold ring and go for what I want,
not be saddled with an unusual, socially-damaging circumstance like
this. I want to maintain my own Plan A. I don't want to get involved
in the needs of another person. I want to keep control of my life and
do it 'my way'." That's a hurdle. That's big a hurdle.
But there's a third hurdle, and that is the hurdle of a lack of
imagination or a lack of faith. Sometimes our thoughts are just too
small, and we can hardly see what God might accomplish if we are
obedient in this one true thing. The hurdle God is working on in our
hearts is our inability to see the big picture, God's plan from God's
point of view.
But somehow, Joseph overcame all three of these hurdles. It sure
helps to have an angel spell it out for you. Don't you wish? I mean,
there are some of those times you think, "Now, how did I end up
with this mess, and what am I supposed to do with it?" It would
really be nice for an angel to come alongside and say, "Okay.
Here it is. Here's what is going on and how God wants you to handle
it." I think Joseph was close enough to abandoning Mary that an
angel was needed to set him on track.
But Joseph was a righteous man. He had Mary's best interest at heart.
The angel convinced him to put aside his fears and any selfishness he
might have, any lack of imagination he might be suffering, and go
ahead with the marriage. There is no specific answer to the
reputation issue. In fact, we basically don't ever hear about Joseph
again in the Gospel. He never became famous; he fades into the
background, to the corner of that stained-glass window.
So his reputation was never all that great. Was it because of the
unusual circumstances of their marriage? We'll never know the answer.
But in places in the Scripture, for instance, Psalm 25, we are
reminded that our reputations are in God's hands, and if we choose to
do the right thing for the right reasons, God will take care of the
reputation part. He's the one we're called to please. He's the one
who establishes and secures our eternal reputation.
So with that in mind, think now of the possibilities.
This one ordinary carpenter, with ordinary worldly concerns,
turns over his life to cooperate with God's plan in Mary's life. The
possibilities include this Jesus, the child he would parent, being
the Savior of the world. Imagine! When we defer to God's plan
(and I'm thinking now about these particular challenges our own
families face), when we do the right thing in the Lord's name, we are
actually participating in God's plan of salvation for the world. We
are giving witness to the depth of God's love as we express it to
those irregular people, unusual or invisible people in our lives.
Joseph was called upon to respect and protect Mary. He respected
God's role in the life of his wife and did not violate the sanctity
of Mary's calling to bear the Son of God. That was Joseph's ministry.
He saw what God was doing in her life, and God touched him so that he
could touch her. God touched Joseph miraculously and said,
"Joseph, your ministry to the world is going to be to love your
wife and nurture this child and provide a safe, nurturing environment
in which he can grow up. That's the plan, Joseph." And Joseph
was drawn into something much larger than his imagination.
Joseph's faithfulness, trusting God, doing something beyond his
understanding, enabled God's plan to proceed. I appreciate the fact
that most of us deal with situations in which we don't really know
what God is doing. But we know our family's got an unusual situation
to deal with, a loss to grieve over. We know that there are people in
our lives God seems to be speaking to, God seems to be moving within,
and what's our role? Our role is to support what God is doing in the
lives of our family members. As we do that, God will be moving in our
lives. I've seen it happen. Putting Jesus first, being open to what
God might be doing, actually enables to us love our families, to give
them what they need, to fulfill their purpose in life. And when we
trust God like this, when we put Christ first in our lives and rely
on the Holy Spirit's power, we then have the reservoir of love
required to do the right thing to embrace the difficult people and
circumstances in our families:
I know that it's hard to be a Christian family. It's hard to keep our
focus on Jesus Christ. It's hard enough when a family is united
around Jesus Christ. It's harder still when not all the members of
the family are in the household of faith, and sometimes that creates
tensions, conflicts, differences, incompatibilities. And then when
you throw in the difficulties associated with God's particular call
for your particular family, well, it can get really hard.
I know there are many families in our sanctuary today who are working
with situations that have required the deepest character, a most
profound trust in the faithfulness of God.
People with disabled children;
people who have adopted the children of a deceased family member;
people who are dealing with chronic illness;
People who are ministering to aging or mentally fading parents or spouses.
I know God is giving you the strength to touch your families. Despite
the "irregularities" of your family, What's regular, what's
normal, is that God loves you and has touched you with a love that
cannot be taken away and can be shared in abundance. Being a part of
the "holy family," the family of God, the church, gives you
the strength and power to do the right thing with those special
people God has entrusted to your care.
May God overcome the hurdles you face in order to do the right thing
for your family. I pray that this love comes out of your love
for God, who loved you so much that he touched you with his grace,
his purpose and his unending love. Remain in his embrace, and
he will strengthen you and guide you as you cherish your family this Christmas.