Of all the subjects today that need the movement, the in-breaking,
and the challenge of the Holy Spirit, it is "You shall not
commit adultery." In the last forty years since the 1960's, we
have seen our world, and particularly our country, roll into a period
of unprecedented turmoil. The sexual revolution has redefined in many
peoples' minds what sex is about, what marriage is about, what
children are about.
With the prevalence of birth control, sex has been unhooked from
having children. The so-called "free love" movement of the
60's and early 70's separated sex from the marriage covenant. The
proliferation of pornography in exponential and tragic proportion
around the world, particularly via the Internet, has separated sex
from relationships. And the big political issue, homosexuality, has
disassociated sex from gender complementarity. All of these
values - having children, making lifelong covenant relationships, and
gender complementarity - are all part of God's design for this most
sacred wonderful and joyful expression of humanity.
Culture's goal, it appears, has been to let everybody "do what
they think is right in their own eyes." That dangerous direction
has historical precedent in the Book of Judges, where the lament is
heard in tragic refrain, "And the people did what was right in
their own eyes."
The process or the value of self-maximizing, namely doing what is
right in my eyes for myself, is a moral and spiritual dead end. It
does not lead to life. It leads to death. Going back to Eve's
temptation in the garden (Genesis 3), our foremother was eyeing the
one tree that the Lord had prohibited her from harvesting, the Tree
of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. But by the devil's temptation she
was drawn in, she was lured to the one forbidden thing. She saw that
the fruit was good for food (namely, it would meet a need she
perceived she had); it was pleasing to the eye (namely, it was
pleasurable). It seemed okay on the face of it, and it was desirable
for gaining wisdom, translated in her mind, "I'll be a better
person if I do this." And she ate and handed the fruit to her
husband, and he ate.
Now their capitulation to this temptation led to estrangement from
God, a distancing from God, as evidenced by their hiding in the
bushes. It was easier for them not to believe in him or what he could
do and so they were alienated from their Creator. It led to conflict
between themselves. There was conflict in their marriage relationship
as indicated in Chapter 3. And then what followed was a very hard
life; a hard life outside of the comfort of God's presence; a hard
life complicated by their choices, by toil, frustrating labor, and
shame.
Similarly in our time and culture, sexual sin has also led in this
direction. Our capitulation as a country and as individuals has led
to disbelief in God, and a contempt for God's will. It has led to
conflict in relationships as evidenced by abuse and divorce, which is
rampant in our country, and a very hard life, characterized by
disease, economic hardship, and sexual confusion. We have lost our
clarity on the definition of marriage. We've lost a consensus about
what this sacred relationship is all about.
How would you define marriage? Here's how I define marriage, and as a
soon as I say this definition, you'll understand why folks who write
about this in national venues say that marriage itself is being
eroded. I understand marriage to be a lifelong commitment to a member
of the opposite sex for the purpose of creating a joyful family
together and establishing the stable context for the raising of
children.
Now what's happened since the '60s during my decades of awareness is
that divorce rates are climbing. Marriage is often not seen as a
lifelong commitment, certainly not limited to members of the opposite
sex, as we have seen the rise in the acceptance of homosexual
lifestyle. Joyful life together in family has been victimized by divorce.
In regards to "the stable context for raising children,"
the very common belief today is that it doesn't necessarily require a
family as we understand it in which to raise a child. You can have a
child by amazingly complex artificial means - and I love children, so
this isn't about kids but about adult choices - anybody can and does
have kids without any moral recrimination whatsoever. That used to be
one of the biggest "no-no's" in decades past.
Now this situation I am painting, which we are faced with on a daily
basis - on television, in the print media and on the Internet - is a
situation that grieves God deeply. God designed us for something
beautiful and something much better than our world is experiencing.
Our God is a God of covenant. God established a relationship with us.
He promised himself and his presence forever. God keeps his promises,
and he created us to be people who make and keep promises: first the
people of Israel are God's covenant people and we the church continue
in that role as God's covenant people brought to life by the Holy Spirit.
An extension of our community identity is to live in covenant
relationships with one another, with a spouse and with children, and
thereby live into the calling of God.
Covenant relationships are built on promises and lifelong, exclusive
commitment, and this too started in the garden. What is said at the
end of Chapter 2 in Genesis? "A man shall leave his father and
mother and cleave [or cling or hang on to] his wife, and the two
shall become one flesh." A man shall his single identity, join
with in a formal way with his spouse and experience sexual union. And
it says, "The man and the woman were naked and unashamed."
That was the open, transparent, beautiful relationship that God
ordained for them.
This is a sacred state. In the beginning of the marriage ceremony, we
call it "the holy bonds of marriage." Maintaining it and
sustaining it requires obedience to this commandment: You shall not
commit adultery.
Now what does this commandment forbid? It is stated in the negative,
so we have to start there. This commandment forbids the sexual act
outside of marriage. That is premarital sex, extramarital sex,
post-marital sex, homosexual sex, prostitution, and the list goes on.
What God clearly has designed for his human creatures is sexual
fidelity within marriage between a man and a woman or chastity in
singleness.
As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, the other passage we're
looking at today, he said, "You've heard it said you are not to
commit adultery, and I tell you if you even look on a woman with a
lustful eye you have already committed adultery in your heart."
This commandment forbids what I call the "second look." The
first look is available all around us, you know. You see the
billboard or the magazine picture or whatever. That's the first look.
The commandment forbids the second look, which is, "Oh, wow,
what was that?" It's the follow up that gets us into trouble. We
are forbidden to enter into sexual situations, to enter into the
world of pornography, which is not only a world of sex, but a world
also of violence and abuse and exploitation. Anything that fuels
lust, we are not to go there. It's like getting closer and closer to
that snake in the garden, and letting that word just worm into our
minds and hearts and fuel the imagination.
Many, many years ago, a parishioner in another church came to me and
asked my permission when he went to professional conferences to
cultivate an intellectually-stimulating relationship with a woman he
often met at these conventions. He said his wife was not very smart,
and he was getting bored, and there surely wouldn't be anything wrong
with such a relationship. And I looked at him and said, "You've
got to be crazy. You're asking me for permission for mental
infidelity? I can't give it to you." He did anyway, and his
marriage did in fact end in divorce tragically a few years ago. He
allowed a second look, and one thing led to another.
Now that's what this commandment forbids. But what does it affirm? It
affirms and encourages sexual faithfulness as a prerequisite for
marriage stability and fulfillment. Trust is the basic issue here.
Trust and openness and honestly are fundamental to marriage, and
deviating from that by carrying on an affair outside of the bounds of
marriage will not cultivate that cooperative and loving, trusting spirit.
This commandment affirms fidelity, that wonderful word that refers to
purity of mind and actions. Particularly, sexual fidelity within
marriage, but also chastity if you are single. It affirms
character-building. This commandment is not really an encouragement
to unbridled, unlimited pleasure, nor instant gratification. But it
is not to say that there is no joy in sex, you understand. But
outside of marriage, there isn't joy in sex, according to God's design.
But building character is what this is about. The fruit of the
spirit, love, patience, self-control, are tested, and they grow and
strengthen a person when one holds fast to one's marriage commitment.
I've over the years seen many variations on this letter to Dear Abby.
"Dear Abby, I've fallen in love with a married man. Do we have a
future?"
And Abby says, "Dear Fallen, You have a future only if you want
to spend your life with a person who has proven he cheats on his wife."
The choice to live in fidelity within the covenant of marriage or in
chastity in singleness is costly and difficult. It is not easy. It is
particularly not easy in this culture, this over-sexualized culture,
which bombards us with images. It is counter-cultural to believe in
this commandment. It is counter-cultural to believe that sex is
something beautiful, that self is maximized in the context of a
lifelong, committed relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
I'm happy to report on opinion polls to which I have access: 86% of
people believe that adultery is wrong, and that's up from the
mid-70's. More people now believe that adultery is wrong than during
the sexual revolution years of the late 60's and early '70s. But over
time now, more and more people believe that sex in any other case is not
morally wrong. Over 50% now do not believe there's any problem with
having sex outside of marriage if you're not married.
So when we proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and we adopt this
among the Ten Commandments, we are bucking the tide of belief around
us that says, "Sex is a divine right," which is really what
is behind the self-maximizing mindset. "I have a right to sex,
and the culture and society and the church cannot forbid me from
exercising my right to happiness." And to that God said, "I
never promised you sex, and I never promised you, frankly, even
happiness." Do not make sex a god. Don't make it the most
important thing in your life. You do not have a right to it. It is a
gift of God, which we receive when it's appropriate to receive it.
Anything short of that, my friends, makes it an idol.
But Christians struggle. Our denomination struggles. And we are asked
to take on a role as individuals as a body, as the church of Jesus
Christ to, be Salt and Light in the world. How will the world know
that God keeps his promises if we do not? It is part of our witness
to show the integrity and the grace and the power and the truth of
God's character as it is exhibited in ours. We are not called to
assimilate into this culture, but to stand apart and separate from it
in order to keep our promises, not self-righteously, but beautifully
and honestly and securely in the knowledge that God keeps his promises.
God acknowledges the difficulty our sexual life presents to us at any
age and any stage of life. This sermon is not just for the young.
I've been told that the old need to hear this sermon also. It's hard
to be alone. And we do want companionship, but God has poured out his
Spirit upon the church and upon us today to help us obey the
commandment, to give us the power to overcome temptation; to give us
power to change from being a self-absorbed, self-maximizing kind of
person to a God-worshipper. It is the Spirit of God w4ho gives us the
ability to orient our lives, not around our drives, but around the
presence and power of God himself. That's what it means to have
Christ as Lord of every area of our life.
I would suppose and assume that many of us are dealing with guilt in
this area, having experienced sex outside the boundaries of marriage.
So what do you do? What do we do with this? Is it too late? Are we
ruined for life? No. Because that same Spirit who helps us overcome
temptation is also the Spirit who convicts us of sin and mediates at
the feeling level God's forgiveness for our guilt.
So what do we do? What this commandment challenges us to do is to
turn this part of our life over to Christ's lordship, and,
practically speaking, not exclude it from those areas in which God
can have an influence. So many people do that. They say, "Well,
you know, I go to church and I tithe and I do this and I do that, but
sex is nobody's business but mine." And God says, "No."
It matters to God what you do in your bedroom. Am I shocking you? It
does, and God's watching. Let God speak. Get out from behind the
bushes of the Garden of Eden and let God speak. Let God speak to this
area of your life. Confess your sin, which is a sin against God; it's
against your own body, and it's against the one with whom you violate
this commandment.
I urge you to renew your commitment which can be enacted by the power
of God's spirit. Pray with me for the filling of the Spirit that will
enable you and me to remain faithful in our covenant relationships,
and strong against the temptations that surround us in the world.
Let's stand and affirm this commitment together.
Q - What is the Seventh Commandment?
A - The Seventh Commandment is you shall not commit adultery.
Q - What do you learn from this Commandment?
A - God requires fidelity and purity in sexual relations.
Since love is God's greatest gift, God expects me not to corrupt it,
or confuse it with momentary desire, or the selfish fulfillment of my
own pleasures. God forbids all sexual immorality, whether in married
or in single life.
Lord Jesus, work your transforming power in our hearts and minds
where this sin begins, and transform us from the inside out, so that
we truly may be covenant people who declare to the world the love of
our covenant God. In Jesus' name we pray,
Amen.
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